


Simon Lewis does not exist

by Hailhydration



Series: Saphael AU's [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Can't you just leave him alone?, Didn't he get enough of that in the books?, Drabble, Ficlet, Had to stick Raphael in somehow, JUST LET HIM BE A SWEET CUTE LITTLE BEAN, Light Angst, M/M, Raphael being a stalker, Saphael, Seriously why is everyone hurting Simon?, Simon Lewis being sad, anyway, just wanted some saphael in season 2, s2e1
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-14 12:16:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9181060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hailhydration/pseuds/Hailhydration
Summary: Set in season 2 episode 1.Raphael threw Simon out, yet he still watches over the fledgling. Simon betrayed Raphael, yet he still talks to him every night. Tonight is only different because for once Raphael can hear him.Aka I wanted Raphael in episode one and since he wasn't I'm writing this





	

**Author's Note:**

> Just watched the new episode and had to write SOMETHING! I hope you like this:) unbeta'd, please let me know if there are any mistakes.

Raphael watched with barely controllable anger as the werewolves threw Simon through the door. He’d been watching the fledgling for days, he’d seen how hard he tried to blend in with everyone and be accepted. And he’d seen time and time again how the people he had formally called friends scorned him, or worse yet, acted as though he was no different than he was before.

It had been five days since Simon had left the hotel, _five days,_ and yet none of his so called friends had even tried to offer him some blood to drink. They didn’t seem to even notice him as he sat with them at meals and didn’t eat. They had multiple times invited him outside during the day, having completely forgotten that the sun would kill him.

Each time, Simon had laughed it off, but Raphael could tell how it hurt him. And despite himself, Raphael grew mad at the way they treated the former member of his clan. He was not about to do anything foolish, like offer him a place back or reveal himself to Simon, but he noticed every little exchange and if he planned an unpleasant revenge on certain people then who was there to judge him?

It was this moment, though, that caused Raphael to come the closest to breaking his careful demeanour. The werewolves manhandling his fledgling showed no compassion at all! Simon had been nothing but kind to them, the day that he had spent at the restaurant had been filled with small chores he had completed without complaints. Yet, the moment the sun went down they were throwing him out.

Of course, having borne witness to Simon’s terrible attempt at ‘enchanto’, Raphael himself would have thrown Simon off a bridge most likely. But that was no excuse for their actions. Especially, was it no excuse for them having chosen this particular storage shed. Raphael had chosen this hiding place very well, it afforded him a perfect view of the jade wolf and was close enough that his enhanced hearing could perfectly tune into the happenings of the restaurant. On top of that, there was a strong, damp smell from the kayaks that kept his scent concealed from the werewolves. It was perfect.

Or it had been perfect, until a mangy collection of animals had thrown Simon through the door and only just afforded him time to hide between two kayaks. They had shut the door immediately and left Simon and Raphael alone in the dark. Of course, this made no difference to the two vampires, but it also made it likely that Simon would be able to detect the other. However, Simon just proved further to Raphael what an incompetent vampire he was, as he made no use of his enhanced skills to scan his environment, choosing to leap in the air and take refuge in a vessel stacked high near the ceiling.

Raphael might have been disappointed if he was not busy been relieved that he remained undetected. Not that he was scared, mind you. He would have been able to escape before the need to explain himself was necessary. It was just easier, if Simon did not know he was here, watching him, after he had ordered him from the hotel and placed a kill order on his head. It was easier, because Raphael couldn’t explain it to himself, he did not want to try to make excuses to the fledgling.

For now, though, he was safe. All he had to do was wait for Simon to fall asleep before he could safely leave the building. Then he would be free to return to the hotel and look after his people. If he could resist the urge to find another nearby hiding place and just look after the one person. Who isn’t even his fledgling anymore. _Dios, what is wrong with him?_

Instead of going straight to sleep, Simon starts talking. Raphael starts for just a moment, thinking that he may have been caught, but from the hushed, almost reverent was he speaks, Raphael concludes that he must be praying. That is, until he hears his own name.

“Raphael, I’m so sorry.” The words are blurted out, flung into the darkness like they hurt to say, and Raphael remains motionless. He has made the decision not to respond, let Simon come to him if he wants to, but Raphael will be denying his own existence until that moment comes.

It doesn’t seem to deter Simon though, who keeps addressing the darkness like it had personally offended him.

“I’m sorry that I can’t take time to be sorry, I’m sorry that I can’t think about you. That I can’t think about what I did wrong and how much I want to come back. I _can’t_ though, because then I’ll be Simon the vampire again.”

Raphael sits in confusion, not responding, but also not comprehending. Simon is certainly addressing his words at him, yet doesn’t seem to be aware that Raphael can hear him. It’s unnerving, to say the least.

It doesn’t concern Simon, who continues his tirade.

“I can’t be Simon the vampire here, you see? I have to be Simon Lewis. Because if I slip and think like Simon the vampire, I’ll realise that this wasn’t my fault, it was hers. And Simon Lewis can’t think that, because he’s in love with her, not you.”

At that Raphael loses his control for just a moment, and his body jerks of its own accord, lifting him into a sitting position. Because, _no_. He must have heard wrong. No one was in love with him. He’d heard it from Camille hundreds of times, even jokingly from Magnus. Raphael was unlovable. He was too cold, too firm, too stern to have anyone love him. Let alone be in love with him. No, it was ridiculous. He must have heard wrong. That settled, he lay back down again, unknowingly echoing the same position as the boy he was so intently listening to.

“It’s all I’d ever known, you know? It was always her, she was always it for me. I don’t even remember how it started, as long as I can remember it was Clary and Simon, me following her and her letting me join her life. I thought that was love. But then came you, and you hated me, you didn’t try to hide it, but you looked after me like she never considered I might need to be looked after. You gave me jobs, she would let me follow her orders sometimes. You made me feel important. It was…nice.”

Simon’s voice, which had been angry and bitter changed into something soft and longing for just a moment, a tone that left Raphael forgetting for the first time in decades that he didn’t need to breathe. But it was only for a moment before the harsh tone was back.

“You gave me a whole family, and for a moment, I was happy being Simon the vampire. Then she was there, and as soon as I was around her Simon Lewis returned and all that mattered was making her happy. She didn’t give me a chance to make a decision. She didn’t even take a minute to listen when I tried to protest. And so I followed her, like I had all my life. I followed her, and look where that got me. Hanging on to Simon Lewis by barely a thread, even though I know he died when Camille killed me. But if I let go, I’ll want to come back, and that would be more painful than wearing a mask for the rest of my immortal life. I can stand to hate me, you see? But I can’t stand to see you hating me.”

Suddenly Raphael is filled with a foolish urge to reassure Simon that he doesn’t hate him, but that’s ridiculous, because he does. Of course he does. That’s why he ordered Simon away from the hotel with a death threat. It doesn’t explain the inane urge to follow the boy, the instinct that urges him to protect him no matter what, but Raphael cannot, will not, dwell on that. It is unimportant.

“Well that’s all for tonight, Raphael. I wish I could see you. I wish I could talk to you. I wish I could touch you. Of course, you’d tell me I was an idiot and berate me for crinkling one of your perfect suits but at least you wouldn’t ignore me. It doesn’t matter now, anyway. I will survive. I can be bold. Goodnight Raphael.”

Raphael certainly does not mouth the words ‘ _G_ _oodnight Simon’_ in a silent response. Nor does he jump up to watch the boy lying asleep before leaving the building. Nor does he open the door the next day just in time to stop Simon from uttering the words that would change everything.

Of course he doesn’t.

It would make no sense.

Except that he kind of does.

And it still doesn't make sense.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I hope you enjoyed reading, please leave kudos and a comment if you did!  
> I've been very busy at work, so I haven't had any time for writing but I am going to update the ghost of you very soon, and I've got dozens of idea's to share with you as soon as I write them! Who's up for some soulmate AU's?


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